i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
