tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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