just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
