This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
