he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
