I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
