Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
