she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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