Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
