Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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