3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
