Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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