What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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