a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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