Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
