Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
