I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
