he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
