I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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