do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
