i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
