Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
