you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
