You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
