dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
