Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
