my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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