Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
