dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
