he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
