I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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