We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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