Yo dont text me then not text me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
