Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
so much tequila, so little girl.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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