Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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