You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
