Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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