Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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