The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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