remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
