i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
