she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The power of my boobs compel you
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
