Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
