god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
