awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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