Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
