EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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