gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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