Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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