It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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